I did not do as well as I had hoped on my midterm on
Tuesday. Not “worried” as I have a good
overall average, but the midterm was definitely a place where I could have
gotten some separation from the “line to gain”.
It was a dreary day in Omaha, overcast from the start with
rains in the mid-afternoon. I was
supposed to meet with Nebraska for dinner but
when I got into my apartment, I was wiped.
Changed into my sleepwear and fell heavily into bed, where a smurf was
OUT. I did get up around 6:30 pm, did something,
and went back to bed. Woke up around 12:30
am, and started piddling around. Meet
with my job counselor tomorrow morning.
There is a restaurant the Nebraska introduced me to, Wheatfields, taking
applications and I would love if they pulled mine for an interview. Wish me luck!
Had the most interesting dream… it was of Tee Jay and we had
spent the day together as friends, and were now sitting at a bistro and
chattering about her going to college. I
was trying to encourage her to do the same I as was doing, and she had a small
crisis of confidence. I say “small”,
because I had her back and we were going to get her through school no matter
what it took!
My body is more tired than anything. Sometimes it feels as if it doesn’t really
want to function, which is why I took the bus to school ( all the buses here have bike
racks) and essentially felt like an outdated robot lumbering around. Saturday I will be up at 0500 so that I can
go and do my volunteer work for my Human Relations class. I plan on taking notes as I don’t know what
the organization does, but it will qualify for my group’s term project.
One of the reasons that this is a jumbled entry is that I
have “things” going on just like everyone else.
If you make something that matters to you, matter, then you will find a
way to get things done, and you will include it in your day no matter how busy
or whatever obstacles there are. There
are days where I wake up and think to myself that I should just, “shut it down”
and let the day go by. When I stop, I
get these flares of pain, a low but steady aching, both in my muscles and going
bone deep, and no pain medicine seem to do anything about. Then I think that the crystals that form gout
and causes joint pain are breaking up in my body, but as they do, they are
getting caught in other areas and start to cause discomfort. I don’t know if that is accurate… but that is
what I am feeling. Then there is trying
to cope with recognizing and placing everyone, keeping track of my goals for
the day and adding whatever new is coming along with my plans.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS
With Mitt Romney’s wife in the news recently as an example
of stay-at-home Mom’s being overlooked, it highlights the differences between
stay-at-home Mom’s by choice and those who are there because of attrition in
their primary relationships. Though I
don’t think that Ann Romney has the same kind of struggle that many single Mom’s
do for instance, the two that I mentioned in this entry, Nebraska and Tee Jay
for example, I do think that sometimes single Mom’s are looked at as
unassailable out of a guilt complex because they are also victims of the
hierarchal social system we live under.
And frankly, I don’t give a shit.
One of the reasons that I don’t is my personal
experience. No, I am not a single Mom,
but I have had to play one on TV. I have
been around several in my lifetime and while I won’t say that there is nothing
new to being involved with them, I will say that I do get that while each case
has its own profile, there are similarities that are clear to nearly all of
them. And there are common
misconceptions about their burden and how vital a function they serve. I guess in the macro-social world, there is
some merit to it, but again, I am talking more about me.
Since I started “relating” with women as an adult, I have
never shied away from a single Mother. I
was raised by one and I like to think that I kind of “get it”. And while I understand the uniqueness of an individual,
the idea that theirs is the only one “like it” is nonsensical. I mean, I get if someone says, “Well this is
my choice and I am sticking with it,” but it kind of defies convention to be
open to relationships but to define terms that are favorable only to one
self. My starter wife did that, had a
piss-poor opinion of men, and had created a picture of herself as the last sane
woman in the world, one who did not “play that mess” and “was definitely not a
joke”. Well, what-the-fuck-ever.
SEE, THERE IS A WAY THAT YOU TALK WHEN YOU WANT A JOB
Anywho, I hope that I can get a look-see for the positions
they have open at Wheatfield’s. Either
one would be fine by me, I just would like to get out and have a job. Then I can tell a working Mother that I too,
work, go to school and I do it all while dealing with my disability. But I am sure that they will find something
else to add to their struggle, to make themselves evoke more sympathy and
somehow make their struggle more noble.
I don’t understand why even want for a relationship if you
are so concerned with the duty of being a Mother and coping with any of your
other duties and obligations? I feel
like saying, “Play ‘em off, Flavor Flav,” and dropping the line from “Can’t Do
Nuthin’ For You Man” on them: It was YOU
who made your due… YOU built a maze YOU can’t get through…
Blah. Just a general
rant from my experiences and I theories about “why” things end up the way that
they do. And how I sleep guiltlessly as
possible, unless I discover that I did not do as well as I hoped on my Algebra
test, and I have a long ride in the cold, wet, rain…
3 comments:
Hmm, this is not an endorsement of all your views..& you didn't ask for one...but I understand & agree with Some of the single mother vibe expressed here. Not just single mothers per se, but I've met plenty of people who turn their hard luck/life memories into PR for themselves. Then the favorable valiant press release becomes addicting. And I have told not just a few women(who mostly did not give a damn) that there is nothing heroic about thinking you are always right & the whole male population is always wrong.~Mary
I'm wishing you lots of luck about the job.
Hope you get a call back...
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