HOW IS ALL OF IT?
What good is having all the time when you give yours away?
Most of the snow has melted and it looks more like late March in Michigan around here. There is more supposedly on the way, but it isn't supposed to be the foot and a half we got hit with before Christmas.
A year ago I was very hopeful about 2009, and for the most part it has been a very good year for me. The depth of my lows did not outmeasure the heights of my highest points. Of course having my girl look me up in June was among the most super coolest things to happen in like, ever!
Summer was pretty hectic for me. Back and forth to NOVA(saying I am in 'the D.C. Metroplex' seems inaccurate, now that I am actually here... when I was passing through a long time ago, it did seem appropriate... honestly, I don't care at this exact moment) a time or two and a visit from Ken and Beth, along with getting things together for my move to Virginia. Pushed myself pretty hard and got most of everything done.
The last quarter has been... aw, let's face it, it has been hard on me. Hard enough to leak 'effort and tension' through my pores. That internalizing stuff gets old after awhile. But I am tired. And that's just how it is.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
A SHOUT OUT
I don't have a clear recollection of what I got lil' Mookie for XMas last year. I know it was something she wanted and I did give her something I wanted her to have. Was able to send my babies their gifts... and that was cool.
Don't really have a whole heck of a lot to say. Did do some 'stuff' and commented here and there. And that is what I'd like to speak on.
Ken's entry was a surprise... it is nice to be thought of a belonging to a circle of friends. I don't recall ever having been a part of such a thing. To me, it meant that I had accomplished what I set out to do when I began blogging intently in '07. To find a group of folks and interact with them.
Being mentioned in 'Miss Alaineus Almenac' was a stunner... because it said that I am not as bad as all that (though being all that remains my goal!). Alaina is one of my favorite people because of what she does and all the strength that it takes to do her work and live her life at the same time. She is about to jump the broom with her love and I couldn't be happier for her! I hope she doesn't mind me saying, but she is marrying this cat here, and they seem to have the most important component to a happy marriage... they love each other!
THRU THE PAIN
I like to think of myself as a positive cat. And I am very assertive when it comes to being that way. But I have been grinding here in Virginia. It has been hard.
So much is about 'the environment'. It colludes with other aggravating factors that make things difficult for me here. There have been times where I have left comments in journals that a person should essentially 'stop' and begin in the direction they wish to head in, and not to stop until they arrive.
And I have been trying to take my own advice. Really, I have been.
I don't have a clear recollection of what I got lil' Mookie for XMas last year. I know it was something she wanted and I did give her something I wanted her to have. Was able to send my babies their gifts... and that was cool.
Don't really have a whole heck of a lot to say. Did do some 'stuff' and commented here and there. And that is what I'd like to speak on.
Ken's entry was a surprise... it is nice to be thought of a belonging to a circle of friends. I don't recall ever having been a part of such a thing. To me, it meant that I had accomplished what I set out to do when I began blogging intently in '07. To find a group of folks and interact with them.
Being mentioned in 'Miss Alaineus Almenac' was a stunner... because it said that I am not as bad as all that (though being all that remains my goal!). Alaina is one of my favorite people because of what she does and all the strength that it takes to do her work and live her life at the same time. She is about to jump the broom with her love and I couldn't be happier for her! I hope she doesn't mind me saying, but she is marrying this cat here, and they seem to have the most important component to a happy marriage... they love each other!
THRU THE PAIN
I like to think of myself as a positive cat. And I am very assertive when it comes to being that way. But I have been grinding here in Virginia. It has been hard.
So much is about 'the environment'. It colludes with other aggravating factors that make things difficult for me here. There have been times where I have left comments in journals that a person should essentially 'stop' and begin in the direction they wish to head in, and not to stop until they arrive.
And I have been trying to take my own advice. Really, I have been.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
SHARING A PRIVATE JOKE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE..?
From the very beginning of her emergence on the scene of national politics, I have compared Sarah Palin with Greg Stilson, a character from the Stephen King novel, 'The Dead Zone'. She shares so many of the negative qualities with the fictional character, including in my mind, the risk of starting a nuclear war with another world power, in her misguided leadership. Normally, I reserve this 'Stillson' characterization for comments in Beth's journal.
Christopher Hitchens, did a very good job of pointing out her disengenousness. In my mind, she is borderline evil. I don't think that any of her 'buddies' that will sweep into the White House and make policy for her means well for anyone. This includes those who would support her policy by electing her.
She hides behind wordplay to take her shots at the President, when she has far stronger and closer ties to fringe organizations that represent a radical minority. What gets me is how 'unsmart' she is. Thanks to 'W.', we have lowered the bar for our leadership and they have shown that they are willing to fall short of reaching those standards.
In fact, Palin reminds me in an abstract way of the 'your listeners are our shoplifters' thinking that keeps Somerset Mall from running ads on WJLB. See, people that take her seriously as a politician, I do take points off their IQ. Sarah Palin, who I would rather see 'parasailin', is a tool for certain interests. What those interests are, I can't call. What I do know is that for them to back some crackpot chick who is stupid enough to take her racist ass to Hawaii for school but decide she can't deal with the Polynesian component of the student population, doesn't deserve to be a representative of the entire country.
Not to mention her and her husband's ACTIVE membership in the Alaskan Independent Party. For my money, it is like a Triple K club for the goobers with snot frozen under their noses. A bunch of racist, separatist mouth breathers, who are one 'crackuh' short of a box. If they didn't plan on letting the government of the United States support them, I am sure they would have figured a way to act as 'terrorists'. And make no mistake, cats like the AIP are terrorist organizations. But because they are up there in Cicely doing their grime, they don't suffer the intense scrutiny of groups like ACORN, who dare to work in the real world. There may have been some missteps with ACORN, but they were understandable. Same CAN'T be said about Palin and her ties to known terrorist groups.
Were you to ask me, she is willing to sell her soul to be ANYTHING. Sarah reminds me of someone who feels victimized by life and in her zeal, will do whatever it takes to make a name for herself. I think she'd become a bigger figurehead than 'W.' was...
THIS WAS AN ATTEMPT BY THE EMERGENCY BROADCASTING SYSTEM
I am still very much out of sorts. Part of it is the crap weather and its blending into to complication of my own individual discomfort. Once that starts to roll, it picks up steam and snow. The rest of it is just stuff...
Normally, talking about other 'stuff' helps lighten my mood. Hasn't happened, at least not to where it has improved noticably.
From the very beginning of her emergence on the scene of national politics, I have compared Sarah Palin with Greg Stilson, a character from the Stephen King novel, 'The Dead Zone'. She shares so many of the negative qualities with the fictional character, including in my mind, the risk of starting a nuclear war with another world power, in her misguided leadership. Normally, I reserve this 'Stillson' characterization for comments in Beth's journal.
Christopher Hitchens, did a very good job of pointing out her disengenousness. In my mind, she is borderline evil. I don't think that any of her 'buddies' that will sweep into the White House and make policy for her means well for anyone. This includes those who would support her policy by electing her.
She hides behind wordplay to take her shots at the President, when she has far stronger and closer ties to fringe organizations that represent a radical minority. What gets me is how 'unsmart' she is. Thanks to 'W.', we have lowered the bar for our leadership and they have shown that they are willing to fall short of reaching those standards.
In fact, Palin reminds me in an abstract way of the 'your listeners are our shoplifters' thinking that keeps Somerset Mall from running ads on WJLB. See, people that take her seriously as a politician, I do take points off their IQ. Sarah Palin, who I would rather see 'parasailin', is a tool for certain interests. What those interests are, I can't call. What I do know is that for them to back some crackpot chick who is stupid enough to take her racist ass to Hawaii for school but decide she can't deal with the Polynesian component of the student population, doesn't deserve to be a representative of the entire country.
Not to mention her and her husband's ACTIVE membership in the Alaskan Independent Party. For my money, it is like a Triple K club for the goobers with snot frozen under their noses. A bunch of racist, separatist mouth breathers, who are one 'crackuh' short of a box. If they didn't plan on letting the government of the United States support them, I am sure they would have figured a way to act as 'terrorists'. And make no mistake, cats like the AIP are terrorist organizations. But because they are up there in Cicely doing their grime, they don't suffer the intense scrutiny of groups like ACORN, who dare to work in the real world. There may have been some missteps with ACORN, but they were understandable. Same CAN'T be said about Palin and her ties to known terrorist groups.
Were you to ask me, she is willing to sell her soul to be ANYTHING. Sarah reminds me of someone who feels victimized by life and in her zeal, will do whatever it takes to make a name for herself. I think she'd become a bigger figurehead than 'W.' was...
THIS WAS AN ATTEMPT BY THE EMERGENCY BROADCASTING SYSTEM
I am still very much out of sorts. Part of it is the crap weather and its blending into to complication of my own individual discomfort. Once that starts to roll, it picks up steam and snow. The rest of it is just stuff...
Normally, talking about other 'stuff' helps lighten my mood. Hasn't happened, at least not to where it has improved noticably.
Monday, December 21, 2009
NOT THAT I REALLY DO, BUT I AM JUST SAYIN'...
I think this ironic take on Christmas pretty much says it all for a lot of people this year. Honestly and for real, I don't get to hyped about the holidays. For me, the effort goes into keeping people from seeing how uninvolved with the whole deal I am. I don't have that creative side to make things festive and pretty for the season. In fact, I am a poor event planner.
Why do some people talk about how little they think of the commercialization of the season, but get hurt by the thoughtlessness of a gift or lack thereof? You know the kind of person I am talking about, the 'oh, you don't have to get me anything...' kind of people that when you DIDN'T get them anything ...
Anywho, hope everyone else aren't as buried with snow as we are here. Supposed to snow and rain at the end of the week. Can't wait to see what a foot and a half snow melt looks like..!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I EAT FROSTED FLAKES WITH HERSHEY CHOCOALTE ON THEM
BEFORE I RAMBLE ON...
I don't expect this between me and the SFC to 'crash and burn', though the capacity for something like that to happen always exists. Do we still love each other? Yes we do. I don't expect that we won't remain good friends, close even. Maybe that is all we are meant to be to each other. When we could have been more, we weren't.
THE SADDEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD
Pretty good movie set in depression era Canada. If it isn't in your NetFlix queue, it should be.
Vanessa Williams said something to the effect that when you are going through something in your love life, you should listen to sad songs and immerse yourself in that emotion. This will let you come thru it stronger on the other side. That may work for some people, but not me. I mean, I listen to stuff that I could equate with saddness and loss. But they don't intensify whatever is troubling me.
Even as I watch and listen to the video for 'On The Water' by The Walkmen and see myself as the rabbit who was struck and the buddy rabbit gets to hop to its life and future, I still am good with that. I made a conscious choice to live in my past. The results have been what they have been. The conclusion I have come to is, I want to live in my present and one of my own making. And I guess that is why my inner 'Mary Catherine Gallagher' has put 'M.A.D.' by Hadouken on repeat.
What most often weighs you down and brings you misery is the past. In the form of unnecessary attachments, repetitions of old, tired formulas, and the illusions of the memory of a time that wasn't as cool as you recall it being. Not to mention the defeats that were further from victory at the time, but that in retrospect the gap has closed and you think if a 'break or two' had went your way, then maybe...
AND A BROTHER LIKE ME IS GETTING HIS, ANYWAY...
When I left home as a teen to start my adulthood with the help of Uncle Sam, I left the desire to 'wish' for things to go my way, behind me. I meant to go out and make something happen. And this was despite whatever percieved shortfalls I had and the things I would have to overcome. Somehow, I figured that the worst of possible outcomes wouldn't happen to me. Things that cause the bile to roil around in my stomach never has made me bitter, but fueled me to do something about it.
So I see things as obstacles, big whoop. Obstacles are a condition to life. Get used to dealing with them. I think that I have or at the very least, am on my way to becoming accustomed to them.
I don't expect this between me and the SFC to 'crash and burn', though the capacity for something like that to happen always exists. Do we still love each other? Yes we do. I don't expect that we won't remain good friends, close even. Maybe that is all we are meant to be to each other. When we could have been more, we weren't.
THE SADDEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD
Pretty good movie set in depression era Canada. If it isn't in your NetFlix queue, it should be.
Vanessa Williams said something to the effect that when you are going through something in your love life, you should listen to sad songs and immerse yourself in that emotion. This will let you come thru it stronger on the other side. That may work for some people, but not me. I mean, I listen to stuff that I could equate with saddness and loss. But they don't intensify whatever is troubling me.
Even as I watch and listen to the video for 'On The Water' by The Walkmen and see myself as the rabbit who was struck and the buddy rabbit gets to hop to its life and future, I still am good with that. I made a conscious choice to live in my past. The results have been what they have been. The conclusion I have come to is, I want to live in my present and one of my own making. And I guess that is why my inner 'Mary Catherine Gallagher' has put 'M.A.D.' by Hadouken on repeat.
What most often weighs you down and brings you misery is the past. In the form of unnecessary attachments, repetitions of old, tired formulas, and the illusions of the memory of a time that wasn't as cool as you recall it being. Not to mention the defeats that were further from victory at the time, but that in retrospect the gap has closed and you think if a 'break or two' had went your way, then maybe...
AND A BROTHER LIKE ME IS GETTING HIS, ANYWAY...
When I left home as a teen to start my adulthood with the help of Uncle Sam, I left the desire to 'wish' for things to go my way, behind me. I meant to go out and make something happen. And this was despite whatever percieved shortfalls I had and the things I would have to overcome. Somehow, I figured that the worst of possible outcomes wouldn't happen to me. Things that cause the bile to roil around in my stomach never has made me bitter, but fueled me to do something about it.
So I see things as obstacles, big whoop. Obstacles are a condition to life. Get used to dealing with them. I think that I have or at the very least, am on my way to becoming accustomed to them.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
GRINDING THROUGH THE HOLIDAY
NOTHING SPECIAL GOING ON
At least not for me. KT is coming up for a visit and a trip to a basketball game in the Metroplex. The SFC's youngest is playing in the game and it is big game for his school. A win will help them when March comes and if they are 'on the bubble' when it is NCAA tournament selection time.
There was a 'Infomania Editorial' on Tiger's situation. It was funny, listening how Ben Hoffman's rant mentioned that his story had become larger than the Health Care debate or the Afghan build up. "That's right," Ben said, "welcome to the rest of your life!" I wonder if Tiger will ever talk about his side of the story. I hope not. But for whatever reason, this was one case that I had a momentary loss of poise.
Normally on my Facebook, I put up some intentional jibber-jabber for the day. But occasionally I do manage to post something that I am more conscious of... but one day I left up rant about Tiger that didn't make sense. Can't even tell where it came from. Sorta mess up the purpose of me putting anything up on Facebook at all.
I think of my posts there as my own personal 'moment of zen'. Talk about a personal 'WTF' moment!
SLEEPYHEAD
Some of you may recognize this song from the latest commercial for the Palm Pixie. I am wondering why all the cool songs are getting used up in crappy commercials!! Last year, it was the Submarines song that actually was anti-consumerism. But 'You, Me, and the Bourgeoisie' is a pretty neat song.
Passion Pit's 'Sleepyhead' is a song that I heard back in the late spring in commercial's for Current's 'Max and Jason Up All Night'. With these songs gaining such widespread exposure, it feels like society is encroaching on all the good music that no one else listens to but me! Actually, I don't mind having the stuff that I listen to being used in media and stuff. People doing something that the love and brings me joy, I want to be shared all over.
For instance, there was a comment on a post that I used the video for the song 'On The Water' by the Walkmen, that they liked the band too. A few months ago, the song 'Shake Some Action' by the Flaming Groovies was part of a story on the radio, and I wondered if I knew anyone who liked them. Whenever you can find a shared link to someone in a personal interest, it makes that relationship closer and more intimate.
Like there is a couple whose blogs I follow who have a passion for geocaching. I would like to do that, but haven't met anyone who wanted to go out with me yet. My and the SFC have the shared passion for the military and since we had the same MOS, we share a perspective when talking about things like the buildup in Afghanistan and whatever.
WE STILL SLEEP TOGETHER
Which is why I know that I walk in my sleep! What is up with THAT?!? Not only do I sleep walk, but I also TALK in my sleep!! Now the talking thing is something that I have had people tell me before, but the sleep walk is totally new. We even have conversations while I am up, or so the Germans would have me believe!
To give her space in the morning, I have made that my workout and run time. That leads me to more training stuff, and I guess I will share that before I go outside for the day.
Snootchie Bootches!!
At least not for me. KT is coming up for a visit and a trip to a basketball game in the Metroplex. The SFC's youngest is playing in the game and it is big game for his school. A win will help them when March comes and if they are 'on the bubble' when it is NCAA tournament selection time.
There was a 'Infomania Editorial' on Tiger's situation. It was funny, listening how Ben Hoffman's rant mentioned that his story had become larger than the Health Care debate or the Afghan build up. "That's right," Ben said, "welcome to the rest of your life!" I wonder if Tiger will ever talk about his side of the story. I hope not. But for whatever reason, this was one case that I had a momentary loss of poise.
Normally on my Facebook, I put up some intentional jibber-jabber for the day. But occasionally I do manage to post something that I am more conscious of... but one day I left up rant about Tiger that didn't make sense. Can't even tell where it came from. Sorta mess up the purpose of me putting anything up on Facebook at all.
I think of my posts there as my own personal 'moment of zen'. Talk about a personal 'WTF' moment!
SLEEPYHEAD
Some of you may recognize this song from the latest commercial for the Palm Pixie. I am wondering why all the cool songs are getting used up in crappy commercials!! Last year, it was the Submarines song that actually was anti-consumerism. But 'You, Me, and the Bourgeoisie' is a pretty neat song.
Passion Pit's 'Sleepyhead' is a song that I heard back in the late spring in commercial's for Current's 'Max and Jason Up All Night'. With these songs gaining such widespread exposure, it feels like society is encroaching on all the good music that no one else listens to but me! Actually, I don't mind having the stuff that I listen to being used in media and stuff. People doing something that the love and brings me joy, I want to be shared all over.
For instance, there was a comment on a post that I used the video for the song 'On The Water' by the Walkmen, that they liked the band too. A few months ago, the song 'Shake Some Action' by the Flaming Groovies was part of a story on the radio, and I wondered if I knew anyone who liked them. Whenever you can find a shared link to someone in a personal interest, it makes that relationship closer and more intimate.
Like there is a couple whose blogs I follow who have a passion for geocaching. I would like to do that, but haven't met anyone who wanted to go out with me yet. My and the SFC have the shared passion for the military and since we had the same MOS, we share a perspective when talking about things like the buildup in Afghanistan and whatever.
WE STILL SLEEP TOGETHER
Which is why I know that I walk in my sleep! What is up with THAT?!? Not only do I sleep walk, but I also TALK in my sleep!! Now the talking thing is something that I have had people tell me before, but the sleep walk is totally new. We even have conversations while I am up, or so the Germans would have me believe!
To give her space in the morning, I have made that my workout and run time. That leads me to more training stuff, and I guess I will share that before I go outside for the day.
Snootchie Bootches!!
Friday, December 11, 2009
THERE IS A LOT OF WATER IN THE SEA
TRYING HARD TO BREATHE
Found an old resume, the one that got me the last actual job that I held. That is part of what was fueling my lamentations about not having the stuff of my life. I have also lost my ARCOM medal, which is something that I am very proud of. Well, to be perfectly honest, to say that it is 'lost' is being to kind. But if I have to go to the place that it once was, then I will get angry and VERY mad.
Locating the resume for me is a sign that I haven't yet threw in the towel. Because it means I am again active in making my hopes come true. A little effort here... some focus there, and before you know it, you have something to work with. Thing is, I don't want to scrapple together something and make the best of it. I want what it is that I want.
I have myself had to 'gotten over' a lot of stuff ... it feels like I have said that before... so gentle and dear reader, if it is something you have heard here before, forgive me. But one of the hopes and wishes that 'meant the most to me', I see did come true. And that is cool. But I still have more that I need to see to and have explored, hopes and dreams of mine that no one else have had for me but me.
Selfish? I don't know. Does seem a little sad. Maybe that is what I have to do to get thru this. Be a little selfish and think only about me.
Found an old resume, the one that got me the last actual job that I held. That is part of what was fueling my lamentations about not having the stuff of my life. I have also lost my ARCOM medal, which is something that I am very proud of. Well, to be perfectly honest, to say that it is 'lost' is being to kind. But if I have to go to the place that it once was, then I will get angry and VERY mad.
Locating the resume for me is a sign that I haven't yet threw in the towel. Because it means I am again active in making my hopes come true. A little effort here... some focus there, and before you know it, you have something to work with. Thing is, I don't want to scrapple together something and make the best of it. I want what it is that I want.
I have myself had to 'gotten over' a lot of stuff ... it feels like I have said that before... so gentle and dear reader, if it is something you have heard here before, forgive me. But one of the hopes and wishes that 'meant the most to me', I see did come true. And that is cool. But I still have more that I need to see to and have explored, hopes and dreams of mine that no one else have had for me but me.
Selfish? I don't know. Does seem a little sad. Maybe that is what I have to do to get thru this. Be a little selfish and think only about me.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
LIVING THROUGH THIS
AT JELLYSTONE ...
"You aren't one of the average bears."
That is what the lady who does the admin for the fitness center said the other morning when I went to get a session in. By that she meant that the athletic cut of my physique, along with how I moved around the gym suggested that I had 'been something'.
I told her that I boxed ... and instantly regretted it. When I was setting sights to go west, I had told Nebraska that she shouldn't tell anyone that I boxed. That part of my life was over with. And here I was, telling the first person who asked anything about me what I was. She asked if I had any pictures as she was planning a board to show members doing some of the things that they were doing with their training.
Her request blew threw the hallways of my mind. Really, why DON'T I have anything to show for my 'alleged accomplishments'? I mean, I don't have ANYTHING, no academic awards, not even the medals from the service. Nothing. Ooh, I bet there is a psychologist salivating at the chance to diagnosis that!!
Since it was early in my workout, it dulled the effects of it. I still had a good workout, but that thought has occupied my mind. Why didn't I keep anything, take better care of the objects that meant something to me, because some of that missing stuff, well, it means the most to me now.
Though I am not as good a wordsmith as the gals who run this journal here, I think I do pretty alright. I can get across what I want folks to know. Also, I think that my energy comes out in my writing as it does in person. The reason that I am not shy, is because I am not scared. When it comes to meeting people and groups, I don't have a problem with getting right on into the middle of the whole thing. It is fair to say that I am analytical, isn't it?
Well, before I get too far off the course, having to think about what I once was and not having any evidence to show that I was that, I began to think about how that came to be. One of the things that I picked up was that I have been happy that things were 'this' instead of 'that', no matter what the circumstance was. Is that always a good thing, to accept what you have and being grateful for the things you have? I guess. I mean, I totally get this woman's perspective, but was I supposed to have this in me when I should have been going about the business of making a life? That is something I have often wondered about. 'Now' is one of those times.
SD CALLED ME A 'CAD'
And I shrugged it off.
Not because I agreed or anything like that. It was her opinion of me and whatever she thought we had together. Just like when AKA blew me up on Facebook. The reason that it doesn't matter to me, is that they knew the deal from the giddy-up. And here is my obligatory 'Tiger' reference. Of all the characters who didn't know their lines, Tiger was the one who acted like he didn't know his! That is what makes me wonder if his Pops had been around to 'coach him up', would he have still made the blunders that he did?
One of the reasons that I adopted that as a touchstone, is that I had grown weary of not knowing what I was getting MYSELF into. It was an extension of my self-reflection, because no matter how good someone made something seem, I still had a choice and a sense of what is right and wrong. There were no guns to my head as I made less than good decisions ... and I don't think that many people have them when they choose poorly.
It makes me think of what drowning may be like, seeing life around you in its various forms and having it slipping away from you. That is what makes it so tough to save a person in danger of drowning. The help may be enough to save a person, but they are so desperate and clawing for life that it often a risk for the would-be rescuer. Every choice that is made by the person drowning is an attempt to make something better, but they don't know how.
When I was walking into the ocean, the first thing that came to mind was not panicking. I am really, really good at that, the not panicking part. Some of what my best sister said in her note was a nod to that quality of mine. See, for quite some time now, I have been doing that. Not panicking when stuff hits the fan. ESPECIALLY when stuff hits the fan.
I SUGGEST THAT YOU PICK UP A WEAPON AND STAND A POST...
And I never griped about it. Go on and let me do whatever it is that I am going to do. Because if YOU were going to do it, then it would have already been done. It won't matter if you acknowledge it or not, just go the heck on and get into it.
I don't know how many times the episode at my Dad's with the CO2 alarm going off and me taking action has played out in my life resulting in me getting 'had' in the end. I don't let people whine over their troubles with the choices that they made, because no one has ever let me have such a luxury, if doing something as pitiful as that could be called a 'luxury'.
Gotta get back into it. Dust yourself off, and don't you dare back away. You brought yourself to whatever it is... YOU. So fix it. But every so often and I do mean with the relative frequency of Hailey's comet crossing in a person's lifetime, there are times you can take the thread and trace it back to where it first begins to unravel.
With the other threads all strewn about, what do you do? It is beyond repair... how do you get any effective use of a life like that?
"You aren't one of the average bears."
That is what the lady who does the admin for the fitness center said the other morning when I went to get a session in. By that she meant that the athletic cut of my physique, along with how I moved around the gym suggested that I had 'been something'.
I told her that I boxed ... and instantly regretted it. When I was setting sights to go west, I had told Nebraska that she shouldn't tell anyone that I boxed. That part of my life was over with. And here I was, telling the first person who asked anything about me what I was. She asked if I had any pictures as she was planning a board to show members doing some of the things that they were doing with their training.
Her request blew threw the hallways of my mind. Really, why DON'T I have anything to show for my 'alleged accomplishments'? I mean, I don't have ANYTHING, no academic awards, not even the medals from the service. Nothing. Ooh, I bet there is a psychologist salivating at the chance to diagnosis that!!
Since it was early in my workout, it dulled the effects of it. I still had a good workout, but that thought has occupied my mind. Why didn't I keep anything, take better care of the objects that meant something to me, because some of that missing stuff, well, it means the most to me now.
Though I am not as good a wordsmith as the gals who run this journal here, I think I do pretty alright. I can get across what I want folks to know. Also, I think that my energy comes out in my writing as it does in person. The reason that I am not shy, is because I am not scared. When it comes to meeting people and groups, I don't have a problem with getting right on into the middle of the whole thing. It is fair to say that I am analytical, isn't it?
Well, before I get too far off the course, having to think about what I once was and not having any evidence to show that I was that, I began to think about how that came to be. One of the things that I picked up was that I have been happy that things were 'this' instead of 'that', no matter what the circumstance was. Is that always a good thing, to accept what you have and being grateful for the things you have? I guess. I mean, I totally get this woman's perspective, but was I supposed to have this in me when I should have been going about the business of making a life? That is something I have often wondered about. 'Now' is one of those times.
SD CALLED ME A 'CAD'
And I shrugged it off.
Not because I agreed or anything like that. It was her opinion of me and whatever she thought we had together. Just like when AKA blew me up on Facebook. The reason that it doesn't matter to me, is that they knew the deal from the giddy-up. And here is my obligatory 'Tiger' reference. Of all the characters who didn't know their lines, Tiger was the one who acted like he didn't know his! That is what makes me wonder if his Pops had been around to 'coach him up', would he have still made the blunders that he did?
One of the reasons that I adopted that as a touchstone, is that I had grown weary of not knowing what I was getting MYSELF into. It was an extension of my self-reflection, because no matter how good someone made something seem, I still had a choice and a sense of what is right and wrong. There were no guns to my head as I made less than good decisions ... and I don't think that many people have them when they choose poorly.
It makes me think of what drowning may be like, seeing life around you in its various forms and having it slipping away from you. That is what makes it so tough to save a person in danger of drowning. The help may be enough to save a person, but they are so desperate and clawing for life that it often a risk for the would-be rescuer. Every choice that is made by the person drowning is an attempt to make something better, but they don't know how.
When I was walking into the ocean, the first thing that came to mind was not panicking. I am really, really good at that, the not panicking part. Some of what my best sister said in her note was a nod to that quality of mine. See, for quite some time now, I have been doing that. Not panicking when stuff hits the fan. ESPECIALLY when stuff hits the fan.
I SUGGEST THAT YOU PICK UP A WEAPON AND STAND A POST...
And I never griped about it. Go on and let me do whatever it is that I am going to do. Because if YOU were going to do it, then it would have already been done. It won't matter if you acknowledge it or not, just go the heck on and get into it.
I don't know how many times the episode at my Dad's with the CO2 alarm going off and me taking action has played out in my life resulting in me getting 'had' in the end. I don't let people whine over their troubles with the choices that they made, because no one has ever let me have such a luxury, if doing something as pitiful as that could be called a 'luxury'.
Gotta get back into it. Dust yourself off, and don't you dare back away. You brought yourself to whatever it is... YOU. So fix it. But every so often and I do mean with the relative frequency of Hailey's comet crossing in a person's lifetime, there are times you can take the thread and trace it back to where it first begins to unravel.
With the other threads all strewn about, what do you do? It is beyond repair... how do you get any effective use of a life like that?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
EVRYONE WHO PRETENDED TO LIKE ME IS GONE
A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS
Today there is more drama from Florida regarding Tiger Woods. I am watching 'Dogs 101' and not keeping up with the 'more of the same' updates on his situation. What I wonder is, if his father passing affected his development as a man, to where he became more vulnerable to this kind of behavior?
I say that because I never intended to have lived the relationship life that I did. Going back to my days when I got home from the service, I could have not worked out of the 'run 'n shoot' if ...
... anywho, the industry that has sprung up to feed the public's appetite for tabloid drama has begun establishing a 'sex addiction' case for him. Whatever. I will stick to wondering what would have happened had his Dad been around a little longer.
Though as for that, I also wonder if Tiger was chafing at his upbringing. Much has been said of how he was a little boy doing tricks on 'Mike Douglas'. I know that father/son relationships involving sports have a track record for bad smash ups. Living a regimented life that was chosen for you as much as it is an outgrowth of your own individual skills, would create a pressure on a person. And as we all know, pressure burst pipes ...
... I am not going to pile on, even if he cops to the handy 'sex addict' excuse. That is more because I see a cat who is like 'Howard The Duck', trapped in a world that he never made'. You have to wonder if he would have been allowed to simply be freakin' 'Eldrick', would he have had the character to do what he did with all those different women?
Because I have wondered what I would have been if there was a little more structure in my life growing up...
IT'S ALL I CAN DO
You aren't guaranteed a 'do over' in life. But you do get a 'next time', if you have your ears to the ground and mind open.
'Walking down this dirt road' that I want to call my life's path, this song by the Walkmen has the right feel for my emotional state. And the accompanying video as well...
It is a matter of some pride, I guess, that I have been willing to attempt challenging things in my life. Don't know if they can be viewed as 'challenges' to anyone other than me, but what should you call something that you have to work towards to accomplish? That was at the heart of all of this theme for my current choice in course at the beginning. Why I had wanted to know what I had left behind makes sense. Ties in nicely with the 'what if' theme of the past decade for me.
ALL THE YEARS KEEP ROLLING ... THE DECADES FLYING BY ...
But ... The days are long...
Clearly, I have not had enough triumph to be sitting in the place of one my multiple major setbacks. What little I have tasted of victory, I have readily shared. My best sister sent me a note about her struggles ... I will find for her the words she needs to hear at this time to send her. Again.
That cat who went on with his life ... I wonder if I did really influence him and his career choice along with his boxing and I can say he is 'walking in my shoes'. I don't think that for one second that he walked down a primrose path. And unlike the seed I planted wondering about Tiger today, his father trained him from a junior boxer until his talent out grew Dad's ability to harness and he let him go on to be his own man.
He may have very well managed to do what he did, without our talks.
AM I WHO I THOUGHT THAT I AM ..?
Being the oldest, I have often felt like I was on an island whenever I had a personal crisis. That is part of why my journal is on line ... to hopefully find folks to talk with and because it is easier for me to type than it is for me to write.
So I figured if that was my attitude then when paths would seperate, that was simply how it is. I'd never call on anyone for anything that I may have thought I did for them or on their behalf. Ain't that what 'benefiace' is about? Let me do what I can because I can, not because one day you are going to do something for me.
That isn't why I didn't take that training gig with that kid ... that he was doing me a favor. I didn't want to have him beat me up and be able to demonstrate that he was a better boxer!
I am thinking that if I liked more accessible music, then the song and their relationship to whatever I am feeling or talking about would be a lot clearer, dontcha think? The point isn't to be as different from some of the Pop/R&B/Rap stuff (he repeats yet again) that many folks find themselves identifying with, but to spark the images in the mind and have the small motes of lint and thread swirl together and become something.
I don't like when someone tells me what I should be feeling when I listen to their song. Never have.
SO I AM THE RABBIT
Struck by life with its color spilling out over the field. That is how I feel and Virginia reminds me of that, at least the NOVA part of it does.
There is absolutely nothing that could change that, nothing at all. I once left in a journal, a comment about 'not letting the hope mix with the disappointment'. Not that I know how, but I do think you have to be able to do that in order to move on. That includes the biggest disappointments and failures. Got to get up and get back into it.
By moving on and continuing forward I have managed to overcome a lot of my own 'let downs'. But if I could ask of life, I'd wonder how did it come that I would be the kind of person that let that light on in their heart, so that there would always be a place in it for someone? What is that about??
Dag ... I am writing to be writing, I guess. I have been going back and forth listening to my cd, the title of which is the header for this entry (and a way cool song, and could easily fit in here) and this ...
... because it is where I am.
Today there is more drama from Florida regarding Tiger Woods. I am watching 'Dogs 101' and not keeping up with the 'more of the same' updates on his situation. What I wonder is, if his father passing affected his development as a man, to where he became more vulnerable to this kind of behavior?
I say that because I never intended to have lived the relationship life that I did. Going back to my days when I got home from the service, I could have not worked out of the 'run 'n shoot' if ...
... anywho, the industry that has sprung up to feed the public's appetite for tabloid drama has begun establishing a 'sex addiction' case for him. Whatever. I will stick to wondering what would have happened had his Dad been around a little longer.
Though as for that, I also wonder if Tiger was chafing at his upbringing. Much has been said of how he was a little boy doing tricks on 'Mike Douglas'. I know that father/son relationships involving sports have a track record for bad smash ups. Living a regimented life that was chosen for you as much as it is an outgrowth of your own individual skills, would create a pressure on a person. And as we all know, pressure burst pipes ...
... I am not going to pile on, even if he cops to the handy 'sex addict' excuse. That is more because I see a cat who is like 'Howard The Duck', trapped in a world that he never made'. You have to wonder if he would have been allowed to simply be freakin' 'Eldrick', would he have had the character to do what he did with all those different women?
Because I have wondered what I would have been if there was a little more structure in my life growing up...
IT'S ALL I CAN DO
You aren't guaranteed a 'do over' in life. But you do get a 'next time', if you have your ears to the ground and mind open.
'Walking down this dirt road' that I want to call my life's path, this song by the Walkmen has the right feel for my emotional state. And the accompanying video as well...
It is a matter of some pride, I guess, that I have been willing to attempt challenging things in my life. Don't know if they can be viewed as 'challenges' to anyone other than me, but what should you call something that you have to work towards to accomplish? That was at the heart of all of this theme for my current choice in course at the beginning. Why I had wanted to know what I had left behind makes sense. Ties in nicely with the 'what if' theme of the past decade for me.
ALL THE YEARS KEEP ROLLING ... THE DECADES FLYING BY ...
But ... The days are long...
Clearly, I have not had enough triumph to be sitting in the place of one my multiple major setbacks. What little I have tasted of victory, I have readily shared. My best sister sent me a note about her struggles ... I will find for her the words she needs to hear at this time to send her. Again.
That cat who went on with his life ... I wonder if I did really influence him and his career choice along with his boxing and I can say he is 'walking in my shoes'. I don't think that for one second that he walked down a primrose path. And unlike the seed I planted wondering about Tiger today, his father trained him from a junior boxer until his talent out grew Dad's ability to harness and he let him go on to be his own man.
He may have very well managed to do what he did, without our talks.
AM I WHO I THOUGHT THAT I AM ..?
Being the oldest, I have often felt like I was on an island whenever I had a personal crisis. That is part of why my journal is on line ... to hopefully find folks to talk with and because it is easier for me to type than it is for me to write.
Oh, you know I'd never leave you
No matter how hard I try
You know I'd never leave you
And that's just how it is
So I figured if that was my attitude then when paths would seperate, that was simply how it is. I'd never call on anyone for anything that I may have thought I did for them or on their behalf. Ain't that what 'benefiace' is about? Let me do what I can because I can, not because one day you are going to do something for me.
That isn't why I didn't take that training gig with that kid ... that he was doing me a favor. I didn't want to have him beat me up and be able to demonstrate that he was a better boxer!
I am thinking that if I liked more accessible music, then the song and their relationship to whatever I am feeling or talking about would be a lot clearer, dontcha think? The point isn't to be as different from some of the Pop/R&B/Rap stuff (he repeats yet again) that many folks find themselves identifying with, but to spark the images in the mind and have the small motes of lint and thread swirl together and become something.
I don't like when someone tells me what I should be feeling when I listen to their song. Never have.
SO I AM THE RABBIT
Struck by life with its color spilling out over the field. That is how I feel and Virginia reminds me of that, at least the NOVA part of it does.
There is absolutely nothing that could change that, nothing at all. I once left in a journal, a comment about 'not letting the hope mix with the disappointment'. Not that I know how, but I do think you have to be able to do that in order to move on. That includes the biggest disappointments and failures. Got to get up and get back into it.
By moving on and continuing forward I have managed to overcome a lot of my own 'let downs'. But if I could ask of life, I'd wonder how did it come that I would be the kind of person that let that light on in their heart, so that there would always be a place in it for someone? What is that about??
Dag ... I am writing to be writing, I guess. I have been going back and forth listening to my cd, the title of which is the header for this entry (and a way cool song, and could easily fit in here) and this ...
... because it is where I am.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
DARKHORSES
PRELUDE:
Watching the Texas - Nebraska game was tension filled viewing. Texas was on paper the far superior team. But the game was played between kids on a field and not simulated in a computer lab.
The Huskers were huge underdogs, a curb to be cleared before the inevitable national championship game. Nebraska has a great defense but as good as they are on that side of the ball, the offense can be as ineffective. And against Texas' top flight defensive team, they didn't generate too much of any offense. Then, neither did Texas offense do too much.
As Nebraska's defense rose to the occasion, with its best player (superlative defensive tackle Ndamakong Suh) doing what a team's best player is supposed to do, they nearly pulled off the amazing upset. My heart went out as they saw their hopes go up in a puff of smoke, there but not really there. There was that one second left for the game winning field goal and for a hard fought victory to be snatched away from the underdogs.
I didn't watch the conclusion, having gotten sleepy in the third quarter... but I think I knew what was going to happen because I have had that situation play out in my life enough to know how it would end.
LIVING THROUGH THIS
Let me tell you that to do that is as painful as it sounds. I know that I have had to do that enough in my life, whether it was losing a spelling bee, misplacing tickets to a big concert, or maybe losing the biggest fight of your life and knowing that you won't ever get THAT opportunity again... eh, there are other disappointments in my life that I have had to take full credit for and that I have had to go on and live thru.
Then there are some ... I know that I stress with my journal that I believe in accepting responsibility for my failings. But there are some things that I do wonder 'what if'.
The SFC knows how difficult it has been for me in these long two months. Will it get any better? Who knows??
We've talked about things and we've reached a point of conclusion. As a couple, we make better friends. Sure there were other things that got in the way of us getting together other than not wanting the 'bathroom set next to the kitchen', and they aren't anyone's business but ours. So there will be no details as to what they are OR what they may be.
Now what I have got to focus on, is finding out how I can get myself to where I want to be.
Watching the Texas - Nebraska game was tension filled viewing. Texas was on paper the far superior team. But the game was played between kids on a field and not simulated in a computer lab.
The Huskers were huge underdogs, a curb to be cleared before the inevitable national championship game. Nebraska has a great defense but as good as they are on that side of the ball, the offense can be as ineffective. And against Texas' top flight defensive team, they didn't generate too much of any offense. Then, neither did Texas offense do too much.
As Nebraska's defense rose to the occasion, with its best player (superlative defensive tackle Ndamakong Suh) doing what a team's best player is supposed to do, they nearly pulled off the amazing upset. My heart went out as they saw their hopes go up in a puff of smoke, there but not really there. There was that one second left for the game winning field goal and for a hard fought victory to be snatched away from the underdogs.
I didn't watch the conclusion, having gotten sleepy in the third quarter... but I think I knew what was going to happen because I have had that situation play out in my life enough to know how it would end.
LIVING THROUGH THIS
Let me tell you that to do that is as painful as it sounds. I know that I have had to do that enough in my life, whether it was losing a spelling bee, misplacing tickets to a big concert, or maybe losing the biggest fight of your life and knowing that you won't ever get THAT opportunity again... eh, there are other disappointments in my life that I have had to take full credit for and that I have had to go on and live thru.
Then there are some ... I know that I stress with my journal that I believe in accepting responsibility for my failings. But there are some things that I do wonder 'what if'.
The SFC knows how difficult it has been for me in these long two months. Will it get any better? Who knows??
We've talked about things and we've reached a point of conclusion. As a couple, we make better friends. Sure there were other things that got in the way of us getting together other than not wanting the 'bathroom set next to the kitchen', and they aren't anyone's business but ours. So there will be no details as to what they are OR what they may be.
Now what I have got to focus on, is finding out how I can get myself to where I want to be.
Friday, December 4, 2009
WASN'T THAT SPECIAL??
Brittani Louise Taylor came by and left a comment!! That was super cool. That to me, is the kind of celebrity that I can appreciate fully. She is a nice young lady and if she can turn some coin by sharing her love and zest for living, so be it. I am happy and root for her to 'do that thang, girl'!
THREE MEN APPROACH A SPACESHIP
Trying not to sound crotchety, but why do people act all 'new' when something happens? Tiger Woods... the White House crashers... reality television, all the attention seeking and spin control has only been happenning since Cain figured the best way to get his props was to lose his brother.
Watching the 1953 edition of 'War of The World', one of the reasons that is given by one of the rubes who approached the alien craft, is 'we'll be in all the papers'. Now perhaps there is more intensity with people trying to get their slice of fame and fortune, but the problem isn't new or unique to this time. That it has reached to the level of security breach at the White House is indicative at how collectively we respect any institution or the extent at which we will reach for fame.
The pressure of keeping up with inflated egos and spurred on by celebrity that people have came to being who they are (Paris Hilton ... really ..?), not for any accomplishment, leads to this kind of behavior. But I won't believe that it is new and unheard of.
LESS THAN GOOD DAY
Because it is strange talking about some of the different things that I deal with, I don't. For instance, this week I had a bout of migraine, that kept me from dealing with the lights. My right eye dialated for no external reason.
Riding in a car and having stuff go by bothers me as well, but not as bad as it once did. Some days are days where I want to get up and go out, but I don't. If I knew why, then I would try not to let that happen.
Today is one of those days. I had wanted to go and get my haircut. But my eyes 'want' to dialate and open up. They haven't gotten to that point where everything is like a flash from a camera, but it is at the level where your eyes adjust from the dark going to the light. Only when things seem to go to normal, I blink and it starts up again. Good thing I know how to type and I don't have to hunt and peck!!
Normally, if I exercise stuff like that doesn't happen, but I did go out and lift weights this morning... I made double sure to take my meds, so the only other thing I can do is sit here with the lights off and hope things level out. I still want to try and get out, so mayhaps I will in a few hours.
Since I am 'dealing' almost as much as I am 'living', my thoughts are more into a 'Tribe Called Quest' kind of mode ... wondering where it is that I left my wallet.
Hope everyone have a great weekend!
Brittani Louise Taylor came by and left a comment!! That was super cool. That to me, is the kind of celebrity that I can appreciate fully. She is a nice young lady and if she can turn some coin by sharing her love and zest for living, so be it. I am happy and root for her to 'do that thang, girl'!
THREE MEN APPROACH A SPACESHIP
Trying not to sound crotchety, but why do people act all 'new' when something happens? Tiger Woods... the White House crashers... reality television, all the attention seeking and spin control has only been happenning since Cain figured the best way to get his props was to lose his brother.
Watching the 1953 edition of 'War of The World', one of the reasons that is given by one of the rubes who approached the alien craft, is 'we'll be in all the papers'. Now perhaps there is more intensity with people trying to get their slice of fame and fortune, but the problem isn't new or unique to this time. That it has reached to the level of security breach at the White House is indicative at how collectively we respect any institution or the extent at which we will reach for fame.
The pressure of keeping up with inflated egos and spurred on by celebrity that people have came to being who they are (Paris Hilton ... really ..?), not for any accomplishment, leads to this kind of behavior. But I won't believe that it is new and unheard of.
LESS THAN GOOD DAY
Because it is strange talking about some of the different things that I deal with, I don't. For instance, this week I had a bout of migraine, that kept me from dealing with the lights. My right eye dialated for no external reason.
Riding in a car and having stuff go by bothers me as well, but not as bad as it once did. Some days are days where I want to get up and go out, but I don't. If I knew why, then I would try not to let that happen.
Today is one of those days. I had wanted to go and get my haircut. But my eyes 'want' to dialate and open up. They haven't gotten to that point where everything is like a flash from a camera, but it is at the level where your eyes adjust from the dark going to the light. Only when things seem to go to normal, I blink and it starts up again. Good thing I know how to type and I don't have to hunt and peck!!
Normally, if I exercise stuff like that doesn't happen, but I did go out and lift weights this morning... I made double sure to take my meds, so the only other thing I can do is sit here with the lights off and hope things level out. I still want to try and get out, so mayhaps I will in a few hours.
Since I am 'dealing' almost as much as I am 'living', my thoughts are more into a 'Tribe Called Quest' kind of mode ... wondering where it is that I left my wallet.
Hope everyone have a great weekend!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
AND I HAVE BEEN THERE TOO ..!
SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT DETROIT!
And I think that the folks in this little video accomplished that quite nicely! It is weird that there is a 'Fiesta movement', because one of my You Tube subscriptions did a Fiesta Movement a little time back, and I thought it was something that she just made up!! Her name is Brittani Louise Taylor and you can check her videos out here. She is funny and has a really neat vibe. She recently did a tour of her hometown. She is from Sedona, Arizona and I thought about Myra watching her show her town off.
Arizona is a place that I have always liked for two main reasons. When my Mom first started her physical decline, her doctor would tell her she needed to move to a warm, dry climate like Arizona. Then, I liked it because it meant I wouldn't have to shovel snow anymore!
Fought there a few times, once nearly randomly stayed there. I figured I could have bought a car and slept in it until I found my bearings. I have always liked to think that I can catch on just about anywhere, particularly if I like the place.
On Monday I have my first appointment with a job counselor. I don't know what kind of work is available ... I have always thought that there is hiring after the holidays, when companies figure out their budget and how much growth they expect to have. But sitting around is a no go.
TIGER WOODS
While it is not on the level of importance of other things, say the President's speech on Afghan strategy, the story has gotten a lot of attention. Is it deserved?
In this case, yes it is. His drag-ass statement that he has finally released says a lot of stuff that is true. One of the first things that I thought when he finally got around to addressing the subject of his incident, is that he finally got a story to tell. A story, but not the truth. Not to the public, anyway. Or his wife.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.
You know what ... I will give him that. But for the 'all he does is hit a ball with a stick' stuff, I do think that you forefit some privacy when you trade your skills openly as he does for profit. 'Role model'? Charles Barkley killed the role model part of being a sports icon years ago. This isn't to say that he was wrong about it, but ever since, what is it that atheletic icons represent?
I have a problem with people selling their personal lines based on a facade of being a person that they know that they aren't. Barry Sanders, in his quiet excellence still was a false bill of goods (said he was saving himself for marriage but had a child out of wedlock). But it didn't matter to me because he wasn't out with his face and likeness promoting half the world and earning millions doing it.
Why did Tiger do what he did? Skanks are coming out of the proverbial 'Woods-work' if you will, with tales of their skirmishes with Elton Woods. And the experts are salivating at their chances to speak on the whys and wherefores he did what is alledged and how men are this and the power and opportunity is that (and I can't say that that 'this and that' ISN'T related in this case, cause this time they may be!) and how the anguish felt by the wife and children are ...
... sorry, that stuff is so much 'yadda, yadda, yadda' to me. What I wonder is, could it be part of the conspiracy to divert our attention from somewhere? Because while we never should have gone to Iraq and should have tracked down Bin Laden while he was in sight, the operation in Afghanistan is frought with trouble and danger. That would be what is first on my mind.
Then there is the Mike Huckabee 'Willie Horton' case. Maurice Clemmons was granted clemency by the then Arkansas govenor in 1999. Now, as much 'tea reading' that I do in my own personal life, I am not going to slam Gov. Huckabee for letting his faith help him make his decisions.
Where I am going to flag him, is that it should not be the first or a primary factor in making a decision. I left a comment with the 'believe in God but lock your doors' line, because I don't think that faith is meant to be the only thing we use in making choices in life. It is but a component of the process.
I would rather there be more intense debate about religion and its role in making policy that everyone has to live with. That is a good digression from the President's address. Something that for an alternative, would result in real ideas being explored.
Anywho, it is dreary and chilly outside. Monday is when I go to another someone to talk about getting set up for finding job. If I knew my way around, I would venture off on my own to another site. There aren't any sidewalks on Route 1, and with the amount of traffic going by, not the best way for me to get around.
Pieces!!
And I think that the folks in this little video accomplished that quite nicely! It is weird that there is a 'Fiesta movement', because one of my You Tube subscriptions did a Fiesta Movement a little time back, and I thought it was something that she just made up!! Her name is Brittani Louise Taylor and you can check her videos out here. She is funny and has a really neat vibe. She recently did a tour of her hometown. She is from Sedona, Arizona and I thought about Myra watching her show her town off.
Arizona is a place that I have always liked for two main reasons. When my Mom first started her physical decline, her doctor would tell her she needed to move to a warm, dry climate like Arizona. Then, I liked it because it meant I wouldn't have to shovel snow anymore!
Fought there a few times, once nearly randomly stayed there. I figured I could have bought a car and slept in it until I found my bearings. I have always liked to think that I can catch on just about anywhere, particularly if I like the place.
On Monday I have my first appointment with a job counselor. I don't know what kind of work is available ... I have always thought that there is hiring after the holidays, when companies figure out their budget and how much growth they expect to have. But sitting around is a no go.
TIGER WOODS
While it is not on the level of importance of other things, say the President's speech on Afghan strategy, the story has gotten a lot of attention. Is it deserved?
In this case, yes it is. His drag-ass statement that he has finally released says a lot of stuff that is true. One of the first things that I thought when he finally got around to addressing the subject of his incident, is that he finally got a story to tell. A story, but not the truth. Not to the public, anyway. Or his wife.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.
You know what ... I will give him that. But for the 'all he does is hit a ball with a stick' stuff, I do think that you forefit some privacy when you trade your skills openly as he does for profit. 'Role model'? Charles Barkley killed the role model part of being a sports icon years ago. This isn't to say that he was wrong about it, but ever since, what is it that atheletic icons represent?
I have a problem with people selling their personal lines based on a facade of being a person that they know that they aren't. Barry Sanders, in his quiet excellence still was a false bill of goods (said he was saving himself for marriage but had a child out of wedlock). But it didn't matter to me because he wasn't out with his face and likeness promoting half the world and earning millions doing it.
Why did Tiger do what he did? Skanks are coming out of the proverbial 'Woods-work' if you will, with tales of their skirmishes with Elton Woods. And the experts are salivating at their chances to speak on the whys and wherefores he did what is alledged and how men are this and the power and opportunity is that (and I can't say that that 'this and that' ISN'T related in this case, cause this time they may be!) and how the anguish felt by the wife and children are ...
... sorry, that stuff is so much 'yadda, yadda, yadda' to me. What I wonder is, could it be part of the conspiracy to divert our attention from somewhere? Because while we never should have gone to Iraq and should have tracked down Bin Laden while he was in sight, the operation in Afghanistan is frought with trouble and danger. That would be what is first on my mind.
Then there is the Mike Huckabee 'Willie Horton' case. Maurice Clemmons was granted clemency by the then Arkansas govenor in 1999. Now, as much 'tea reading' that I do in my own personal life, I am not going to slam Gov. Huckabee for letting his faith help him make his decisions.
Where I am going to flag him, is that it should not be the first or a primary factor in making a decision. I left a comment with the 'believe in God but lock your doors' line, because I don't think that faith is meant to be the only thing we use in making choices in life. It is but a component of the process.
I would rather there be more intense debate about religion and its role in making policy that everyone has to live with. That is a good digression from the President's address. Something that for an alternative, would result in real ideas being explored.
Anywho, it is dreary and chilly outside. Monday is when I go to another someone to talk about getting set up for finding job. If I knew my way around, I would venture off on my own to another site. There aren't any sidewalks on Route 1, and with the amount of traffic going by, not the best way for me to get around.
Pieces!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS BY NOW ...
... I do enjoy a good laugh. It doesn't matter what kind of humor it is, if it is funny, it is funny. Stuff can walk on the edges of nearly any kind of '-ism' and if it makes me giggle, I giggle. Audience of one, and if that one is me, then tell me why should I care if you think the comedian unfairly insults some indigenous tribe somewhere.
YES, EVERYONE DOES KNOW
Read that Beth did a QOTSA song on her 'Rock Band' thingy. I wonder if it was 'Everybody Knows That You're Insane', from their 'Lullabies to Paralyze' album. I remember seeing them perform on 'SNL'. They did that song and two song set made me wonder why I was sleepin' on them, because they tore up the stage!! Then I remembered, I was in 'the provencial town I jogged 'round' with the Mooks.
I put a lot of 'Mark stuff' on the shelf while I was with them, struggling with the then unknown about me and whatever little attitude that existed in that latitude. The other song that they performed 'In My Head' sorta summed up what was happening, all the stuff that was 'in my head' was just that. Nothing was real, and as it does most anyone (cause y'all better not act like you don't know what it is like to be with someone who has checked out of the relationship on you), coming to terms that I had put myself in the situation that I was in, was next to the most important thing I did while there. The MOST important thing, was to do something about it.
CHARLIE KNEW IT
Charlie Weiss was relieved from his duties at Notre Dame. What it is that he 'knew' was the environment. It is hard to coach at Notre Dame. Not a big enough fan to know about the intracies of the culture there, but I can't imagine that it is any different than Michigan football, Carolina basketball, and Montreal Canadian hockey.
Anywho, it sometimes IS about the environment whether you inherited it as the next coach of the Irish will, or create it as Bobby Bowden did at Florida State, you had better know it. It isn't like not knowing what you are getting into is an excuse.
If I was meant on my journey down my 'memory lane' to rediscover a possible relationship with my ex-wife, then destiny would have to be damned. I wasn't going to go there. When we sat down to talk, I recall fighting two things ... whatever you want to call it, her 'intimidation factor'. I resented that I still had those old feelings coming back, proving that time can heal and mend things, but not totally remove the scars.
The other thing I recall fighting is, her memory. She could not quite remember all the crap she did that helped contribute to our fail. She may have asked herself 'what could have been', had I been a better husband. My thing to her was, did she ever wonder what could have happened if she had been a better wife?
I mean, it wasn't that there wasn't a buzz about my prospects as a fighter. Had been a good fighter before her and was still a good boxer. Did she ever 'maybe baby' about that? How many times did she ask herself, 'Dag, Mark was decent with his hands ... if I had supported him the way I could have, maybe we'd had a better marriage'? Maybe have been rich and famous and we have been on an episode of 'Real Housewives of Detroit'?'
But I never did. What happened between us, happened. Have to accept the consequences, and not worry about her. It is about me, and that is what counts.
And that is what counts.
... I do enjoy a good laugh. It doesn't matter what kind of humor it is, if it is funny, it is funny. Stuff can walk on the edges of nearly any kind of '-ism' and if it makes me giggle, I giggle. Audience of one, and if that one is me, then tell me why should I care if you think the comedian unfairly insults some indigenous tribe somewhere.
YES, EVERYONE DOES KNOW
Read that Beth did a QOTSA song on her 'Rock Band' thingy. I wonder if it was 'Everybody Knows That You're Insane', from their 'Lullabies to Paralyze' album. I remember seeing them perform on 'SNL'. They did that song and two song set made me wonder why I was sleepin' on them, because they tore up the stage!! Then I remembered, I was in 'the provencial town I jogged 'round' with the Mooks.
I put a lot of 'Mark stuff' on the shelf while I was with them, struggling with the then unknown about me and whatever little attitude that existed in that latitude. The other song that they performed 'In My Head' sorta summed up what was happening, all the stuff that was 'in my head' was just that. Nothing was real, and as it does most anyone (cause y'all better not act like you don't know what it is like to be with someone who has checked out of the relationship on you), coming to terms that I had put myself in the situation that I was in, was next to the most important thing I did while there. The MOST important thing, was to do something about it.
CHARLIE KNEW IT
Charlie Weiss was relieved from his duties at Notre Dame. What it is that he 'knew' was the environment. It is hard to coach at Notre Dame. Not a big enough fan to know about the intracies of the culture there, but I can't imagine that it is any different than Michigan football, Carolina basketball, and Montreal Canadian hockey.
Anywho, it sometimes IS about the environment whether you inherited it as the next coach of the Irish will, or create it as Bobby Bowden did at Florida State, you had better know it. It isn't like not knowing what you are getting into is an excuse.
If I was meant on my journey down my 'memory lane' to rediscover a possible relationship with my ex-wife, then destiny would have to be damned. I wasn't going to go there. When we sat down to talk, I recall fighting two things ... whatever you want to call it, her 'intimidation factor'. I resented that I still had those old feelings coming back, proving that time can heal and mend things, but not totally remove the scars.
The other thing I recall fighting is, her memory. She could not quite remember all the crap she did that helped contribute to our fail. She may have asked herself 'what could have been', had I been a better husband. My thing to her was, did she ever wonder what could have happened if she had been a better wife?
I mean, it wasn't that there wasn't a buzz about my prospects as a fighter. Had been a good fighter before her and was still a good boxer. Did she ever 'maybe baby' about that? How many times did she ask herself, 'Dag, Mark was decent with his hands ... if I had supported him the way I could have, maybe we'd had a better marriage'? Maybe have been rich and famous and we have been on an episode of 'Real Housewives of Detroit'?'
But I never did. What happened between us, happened. Have to accept the consequences, and not worry about her. It is about me, and that is what counts.
And that is what counts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)