... faster ..pt 2

... as I was saying ...

... I don't like the feeling of being a little be out of place that I have here ... yet that is part of the deal when you aren't the primary wage earner ... you have to find your place in a secondary stature ... it is further complicated by not even being on familar territory ... not that I would have a larger social circle, but it isn't even an option ...

... so I am constantly 'outvoted' because there isn't a large enough faction to put anything that I would come up with ... and in general, the collective thought processes that determine 'what's what' isn't generating enough power to turn on a flourescent lamp ..!

... that last part was mean, but the essence hold true ... being the Mike Martz of the house doesn't matter without any authority to go with it ... such is the domestic matrirachy of the black household ... too much so in our subculture if you ask me ...

... I will have to check my math on my budget ... maybe I will have to push my excercise option back to possibly March ... Having enough money for KT will be a priority ... and who knows ... if I am lucky, maybe I will have found Vanilla Sky as well  by then ..!

Faster Pussycat ... KILL! KILL! KILL!

... I feel so out of sorts musically ...

... there are moments when I remember why this was a 'show' position in my life ...

... Women and their attitudes ... thought last night was a 'lucky me' night ... may have been  ... but I won't 'rassle' for it ... that has NEVER been my style ... for the most part, no has meant no, so when participation is less than joint, I will leave it alone ...

... so that has me on edge a bit ... I dislike the tease ... not because I want to get at it so much but because I will get into my 'camel mode' and I know that would increase frustration on the other end ... but we may see what happens this time ...

... then making dinner ... I admit to trying different ingredients from time to time ... but I consider my 'experimentation' quite tame ... after all, I am working with standard main courses and the 'added ingredients' are just as basic ... so  the notion that I am trying to 'kill' someone with my different combinations is so out of the realm of reality that it borders on ignorance ...

... which is part and parcel of why I am uncomfortable at times ... but this is something I brought upon myself ... I should have executed my life with more diligence ... well, dinner bell ... get back at this tomorrow ... more to say about what is on my mind ..!

Getting things Straight

... I feel that I may have a chance to be a better person beginning with this year ... having KT inserted into my life has made me fuller ... and she adds a new dimension to me that I am looking forward to exploring ...

... my Social Security case has started its way through the system ... I have no idea of how much to expect should I win ... I will continue to base my finances on the meager amount that the State of Michigan gives ... this way I hope to strectch out my alloments and maxiumize the money ...

... while I have in my mind a good idea of what is going on finacially, I will have to put things to paper ... I need to keep things in balance and on track ... this is supposed to be a springboard year for me ... I intend for it to be just that ..!